Two Easters ago, Dugan Meredith struck up a minute-long conversation with his mother-in-law about Jesus. It’s since been viewed more than 10 million times after he posted it on TikTok. That interaction also led to a much larger conversation about caring for loved ones facing memory loss.
“It just exploded from there,” said Meredith, 47, who runs “Taking Care of Granny” on TikTok. “She has become quite the social media celebrity.”
Meredith and his wife, Leslie, are York County natives who live in Rock Hill.
About five years ago, Leslie’s mother was diagnosed with a type of dementia that affects the frontal and temporal lobes of the brain. “Granny,” as she’s now known by more than 330,000 TikTok followers and 283,000 more on Facebook, moved from the Charleston area to live with the Merediths.
The Herald isn’t using Granny’s name to protect her privacy.
Dugan Meredith hadn’t seen dementia up close, and the adjustment was tough. He also hadn’t done a whole lot with social media, either, so TikTok made for an unlikely coping strategy.
“I learned real quick that there were just hundreds of thousands of people out there in the world that were going through the same challenges,” Meredith said. “Which was eye-opening because when you’re going through this, you feel like nobody understands.”
Isolation and caregiving for people with memory loss
Most caregivers for memory loss patients don’t turn that experience into a viral internet sensation, said Beth Sulkowski with the Alzheimer’s Association South Carolina Chapter. Many people feel isolated, or don’t know how to deal with the challenges.
“This is a condition that has ripple effects because of the strain it puts on caregivers and the progressive nature of the disease,” Sulkowski said. “Help is available, but when you are in the thick of it, it can be hard to find.”
Meredith was no exception.
He was overwhelmed as caregiving got harder the first couple of years. He faced depression, Meredith said, but pulled through it with help from his faith and a men’s group. Meredith started journaling on his phone, typing up his frustrations.
“I’m no Ph.D. in this,” he said. “I’m learning this as I go.”
People with memory loss often need routine and structure, Meredith learned. They only have so much decision-making in them in a day, he said, and it helps not to have them run through it all by lunch time. Unlike raising a child, caregivers can’t expect memory loss patients to learn from mistakes.
“Their brain is not progressing, it’s regressing,” Meredith said. “You can’t correct them and make them understand that they can’t do that. That it’ll hurt them.”
In Meredith’s case, there was also the in-law dynamic. Sitcoms and comedians have long relied on the sometimes tricky nature of those relationships.
“She was the mother-in-law, and I was the son-in-law,” Meredith said. “So there was a gap there. And this diagnosis, and the fact that she lives with us, has done nothing but actually brought us closer together.”
Social media relates to Granny
Granny, who turned 77 last month, has a certain way she wants her jelly toast buttered. She has certain chores that still keep her busy, like drying the dishes she can’t wash anymore. It’s no coincidence that the first Granny video went viral on Easter, either.
“She’s forgotten everything else, but she has not forgotten her Lord and savior Jesus Christ,” Meredith said. “She prays. And she loves gospel music.”
For a while, everything was “holy, moly, roly.” Then one day, Granny started with “holy, holy, holy.” Lately, it’s been “heavy, heavy, heavy.” A loud muffler on a truck can be heavy. A nice shirt on someone can be, too. Unlike her daughter Leslie, Granny will walk up behind Meredith when he’s shooting a video and join in the scene.
“Granny... loves the camera,” Meredith said.
Support and pushback on social media posts
TikTok and Facebook posts can generate hundreds, sometimes thousands, of comments. Many thank the Taking Care of Granny pages for the updates and support. But many criticize them, too.
“Granny is so loved and surrounded by family,” Isabella Orion posted on a Sept. 19 Facebook reel with more than 400 comments. “Not everyone in her situation has loving care and how hard it is on everyone.”
Monica Dalton posted on a Sept. 22 Facebook post that Granny is sweet, but the video is disheartening. “I think it’s sad having her on social media in this condition,” Dalton posted. “She would not want it if she was right in her mind.”
The pages used to get the same question daily, of whether Granny would want the content online. Now the question comes once a week or so, Meredith said. He’s had the conversation many times with his wife.
They’ve settled on the idea that the pages are a sort of online support group that helps people.
“Granny’s entire life, she took care of others,” Meredith said. “She was always there for her family. She was always there for people in need. She wanted to help others in any way that she could.”
There have been some criticisms that just aren’t true, he said. Some accuse Meredith of stealing from or taking advantage of Granny.
“It fluctuates,” he said. “We went through a very rough period where we were the target of cancel culture, so to speak. We were getting tons of accusations which were 100% false.”
People often ask why Meredith is prominent on the page but his wife, and Granny’s daughter, isn’t. That’s all personal preference with social media, Meredith said. Both he and his wife work full-time jobs and provide care for Granny. Meredith just shares the experience online.
The family doesn’t have many videos of Granny before her diagnosis, so TikTok and Facebook are a way to document the family’s time together, Meredith said. He doesn’t aim for online posts to be funny, clever or poignant.
He wants them to be transparent, for as long as it makes sense to create them.
“We are coming to the point where we’re burdened with the decision of, when do we stop doing this?” Meredith said. “Because I don’t want a negative light whatsoever brought on her.”
Rock Hill gathers for memory loss care
Caregiving may feel isolated at times, but that isn’t always so.
On Saturday, more than 300 people are expected to gather at the Rock Hill Galleria for a Walk to End Alzheimer’s. It’s the second year there for an event that dates back two decades in Rock Hill.
It used to be called a Memory Walk, but the name change is meant to reflect a larger focus.
“We also want to fight hard for everyone who is living with (Alzheimer’s or other memory loss) today, or anyone who may face it in the future,” Sulkowski said.
Free events will be held nationwide this fall, including walks Oct. 4 at Segra Park in Columbia and Oct. 18 at Truist Field in Charlotte. Donations from those events go to care, support and research programs through the Alzheimer’s Association.
As of Wednesday afternoon, Meredith was the top individual fundraiser for the Rock Hill walk with more than $13,000. Taking Care of Granny, a team that includes Meredith, is the second-highest team listed, having raised nearly $14,000. Overall, the Rock Hill event had more than $96,000 raised toward its $170,000 goal.
This year is the first time Meredith will participate in the Rock Hill event.
He found out about it when looking for help with Granny, and found an organization that’s working to do exactly what his pages are—raise awareness and support.
“I want people to understand that it’s OK, and you’re going to be ok, and there are support groups out there that are easily accessible,” Meredith said. “You just gotta know where to find them.”
Before her diagnosis, Meredith said, Granny was a caregiver to her own mother.
Despite the negative comments, the difficulty in caring for someone facing memory loss and uncertainty with what each day will bring as Granny’s condition progresses, he will continue to post online.
He posts for the people who tell him they just got a diagnosis for a loved one. He posts to share ideas with what he sees as an online support group. He’ll post as long as the good outweighs the bad, hoping to take something heavy and make it a little lighter for others.
“The world needs more good,” Meredith said. “And that’s ultimately the goal here, is to help others. They help us.”